Hello Mother. Three Years On.

Hello Mother. It is I, your number three son.

I remember the first FB message I got from you. “Hello James … this is your mother.” I’d been trying to get you to set up a Facebook account for months, maybe a year or so before, and then one day, out of the blue I get this message with a friend request. Little did I know the carnage that was about to be unleashed on the farming community when you got into Facebook. I’m not sure they ever did recover.

Nearly every week there is something that comes flooding back as a reminder of when you were alive, mostly good, sometimes, not so great. Most recently, as Chris and I were doing a road trip up to Arkansas to visit Trey, there is a part of the drive near the foot of the Ozark mountains that reminded me of our road trip to Tennessee. At first, it was the visual of the green hills, with trees that seemingly went on for miles and miles, which led to the thinking about that whole trip, and actually all the trips we took. It was the first time either of us had been to the Grand Ol’ Opry, and what a treat to have Charley Pride (one of your all-time favorites) and Aussie-legend Keith Urban perform on the night that we went.

Reflecting

The last year has been tougher than any of us expected. What we thought would be a short(ish)-lived pandemic is still rampant throughout the globe. Australia has been doing pretty well at managing the whole “COVID thing” with some occassional glitches. The USA, not so much, though getting much better now that we have a new president. I think all of these spikes can be sourced to a person who figured it was in their own best interest to do what they wanted, even if it meant others would suffer as a consequence. I’m pretty sure you would not have enjoyed the last year with the anger and vile nature that has come out in people.

You would have loved the result of the last election here. Trump lost, bigly. It still amazes me how many people have an allegiance to him, even though he has done everything to tell them that the only person he cares about is himself. You were right (you don’t get me to say that often) when you suggested he was a sociopath. I think there are lots of folks out there who think that. Many of us are waiting for the news to drop that Melania is filing for divorce. I’m guessing there was something in the New York agreement (as I call it) that stipulated that she remain married for a period of time after he lost. I miss talking to you about politics and the state of affairs around the globe.

Pete continues to do an amazing job, and both he and Leonie have survived the pandemic without any incidents, so far. Leonie has been working hard on her art, and has been getting to Goulburn Options when they are open (they spent a lot of time closed due to COVID). Pete has mentioned that she is not always thrilled to go, but when she is there she works hard on her projects. Every now and then GO will put a silent auction and sell the artwork donated by the artists. I’ve been lucky to win one of these silent auctions and own at least one of her paintings (she is holding onto it for when I next visit). Her paintings will be a collector’s item one day 🙂

Speaking of visiting, it is long overdue for me to make a trip back and see Peter, Leonie and visit you in Tallarook. It’s been a really challenging year with travel, and Australia is only starting to open back up to allow people back in. One of those dark moments that have crept into my head over the past year, was the thought of what would have happened if you got sick while COVID was happening. I know I dragged my heels in coming to visit in 2018, but that was my choice. The idea of not being able to get back into the country and visit with a family member who gets sick is something that I know I don’t have to worry about with you anymore, but it does stay well planted in my mind for others still in Oz.

Family & Genealogy

I’ve been slacking in my research and updates on the family tree. One great moment in the past year, was being contacted by a gentleman (Milton) whose grandfather (Major Lawrence) was your dad’s commanding officer. Major Lawrence was captured and existed in a Japanese POW camp for three years, but soon after his liberation, he wrote a letter to Nan, which subsequently was returned as undeliverable. His grandson, Milton, kept the letter and found me through my website (this one) after posting about your dad. Well the long story, shortened, is that after 76 years, that letter finally made it to our family. Of course, there was all kinds of family drama associated with this, and I’ll touch on that later, but what an amazing story to read about grandad. One of the key learnings from this letter was that grandad was to be promoted to Sergeant-Major, but the paperwork was not finalized prior to his death. I was so proud to read the accolades that Major Lawrence bestowed on grandad; he truly seemed like a greater man. I have hopes to see if we can get his promotion recorded posthumously.

On family issues, let me just say that you were right about your sister, Maree. I came to realize over the past year, that I probably will never understand why you felt the need to rekindle that relationship given the grief that it caused before and after you long absence from each other. I also confirmed that your “last will” was all Maree, and while I’m sure there was some discussion about the need for this document, it was all Maree’s words. It is, as you would say, Maree’s way of rewriting history, and trust me, there have been a few times that if you believed what she was saying, she was far more important to you than your own kids. I’m just thankful that you shared so much about her while we had the chance, and I’ve now experienced that side of her. As you used to say, a leopard doesn’t change its spots (I chose leopard mainly due to this idea that you both had that it looked good).

I’ve also come to terms that many of your other sisters and brother just aren’t worth time or energy. Heather, Sandra, Fay and Doug all abandoned you at your time of need, and even after you died, they could not have cared any less about you or your kids (this is still true today). Of course, most of that was due to your re-kindling of your relationship with Maree. As I mentioned to her when we last communicated, I never understood why you got so much grief for your relationship with Maree, however David skimmed through easily, even though he was thick as thieves with her throughout. Talk about fooling the youngsters. Anyway, I’ve come to peace that those brothers and sisters of yours are simply not worth wasting any time on. They have their kids for them to worry about. I just wish you had the opportunity to make a different decision, which could have led to such a different experience after your relocation to Seymour. Anyway, as you also used to remind us, we each make our own bed, and we choose to lay in it the way we made it. I guess that was even true for you, as it is for them.

Brief Life Updates

Chris and I continue to enjoy our boat, named in your and Aurelia’s honor. We have not spent as much time up there this year with everything else going on, but we are getting to a place where that will change soon. One of the areas that have kept us busy has been the house modifications that we have been undergoing for the past (almost) three months. We have changed the color and style of much of the house. It is a refreshing change that I think you would have loved. Brian moved out (he bought a house), and now we more than enough space for visitors.

Our new exchange student, Simon, arrives Friday. We are looking forward to getting to spend the year with him, and helping him explore a lot of the country. I’m sure as we make those journeys, many more memories will be triggered from the travels that we did when you were here. I’m sure there will continue to be moments where I go to reach for the phone to message you, and then realize that would be futile.

Sophie and Cabby (and Max) continue to keep us on our toes. Max is very happy now, as I moved my office upstairs, so I get to spend a good amount of time with him each day. He has adjusted to this new worshipping that I’m sure he thinks is happening each day. I was looking at some of the old pictures and remember his joy rides around the house on your walker.

There is so much more to tell you from our last year, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten many things. What I haven’t forgotten is you. As I’ve said in my previous letters, and in this one, there is always a reminder of you that is triggered at the most odd times, in discussions or just by driving somewhere. You very much remain a part of our lives, and even though the memories don’t always bring joy, I’m am always happy to have them. You’ll always have a place in my heart, and as the years go by, that place hurts less and less, but I don’t think that sadness will ever go away.

Love always,
James (#3)