At the outset, I’ll remind folks that I am not your typical flag-waving, rainbow-wearing, militant gay man. I don’t even own boots!
I’m James, an Aussie-born American, surburbia-dweller, dog lover, cat admirer, wanna-be environmentalist, socially aware guy who also happens to be gay. I live with my husband of officially 7 years, and partner for 21 years, our two dogs and a cat. These are just a few of the many traits that help define who I am. The only two things that I have little control over in “defining” the person I am is that I am white, and I am male.
I’ve tried to celebrate Pride, but I struggle with the concept of a celebration that has – over the years – taken on more of a party atmosphere, rather than a protest.
As my mother would say about Mother’s Day, “I don’t need one day to be reminded my kids love me.” Yes, we still celebrated on the day, but we also celebrated every other day as well. It was a daily commitment to our mother; as pride should be a daily commitment to our LGBT community; as equality should be a daily commitment to our female, black, brown community.
I think Key West had the right idea when they adopted the “One Human Family” mantra for their city. It doesn’t matter who or what you are, we are all one family on this green/blue globe.
And for one month a year, there is an expectation that my “gay self” will celebrate loud and proud; celebrating the diversity that is a part of the “being gay.” Well, like I said, I’ve never really been that person, but this year – in particular – I’m not even going to try. There really isn’t much to be proud of, if we are being truly honest.
We can’t celebrate the colors of the rainbows, when we fail to celebrate – or honor – our friends, family and neighbors who are black, brown or anything other than a tone of white. We can’t proclaim “Happy Pride” and mean it when we say that “Black Lives Matter” – because that is not being true to the history of pride, or the fights that have come before being gay was even on the human/civil rights radar.
Pride should be about inclusivity, acceptance and most of all, about love of our fellow human being. Not just the white ones. And I’m ashamed to admit, that I am part of the problem.
As a community, we don’t accept (or even tolerate) others views, or beliefs. In the gay-male community, we have a history of not celebrating our lesbian, transgender or bisexual friends, family or neighbors equally. Some do. Most don’t. I struggle with this myself.
In my own community that I live in, there are people who still believe that my marriage is less equal than theirs, because I’m married to a man. This is a fact, not conjecture in any way. It pisses people off that I even have the option to marry the man that I love, and if given the chance they would applaud if that right was taken away from me, and countless other people in this country. Behind my back at least.
The U.S. Declaration of Independence – the foundation of our Constitution – states:
all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Today, in June 2020, we still have people who don’t believe this to be true. They believe it only to mean “all white men”, not “all men” or – as I like to read it – “all mankind.”
This month we also commemorated the fourth anniversary of the Pulse Nightclub massacre where 49 people were murdered, there are men – and some women – who continue to make decisions attacking a person’s right to life, liberty and happiness. A person’s right under an amendment of the Constitution does not override a person’s basic human right to live. If you believe in the 2nd Amendment then you believe in the entire document. It’s not a pick and choose kind of moment. End of (that) discussion.
Except as people march the streets protesting the murder of our black, brown, transgender and gay brothers and sisters, there are men and women, who would rather vilify the victims, than blame the perpetrators, or – worse – support their right for justice.
To paraphrase Socrates, the only thing I do know is that I don’t really know anything. I need to continue to learn, listen, understand and live. As Socrates illuminated, “There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance.” I continue to choose the pathway of good.
So in this Pride month of June 2020, I choose not to celebrate. This doesn’t mean I am not proud, just not celebrating. I’m proud to be who I am, knowing that I have a long way to go. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, knowing that there is so much more to be done. I’m proud of my husband, and the successes he continues to bring to our family.
My hope is that in the not too distant future we will celebrate the diverse collective of all the colors of the earth, speak out against all injustices, make new friends, say goodbye to others (who I thought were friends), and – more importantly – educate myself on how to become a better human. I will fight for the Constitution, and stand against those who believe they are above the law. I will no longer accept ignorance as an excuse and I will work to be kinder to others, and to myself.
Happy Pride!