Happy Pride!

It’s June, so it’s time to make the statement: “I’m proud of being a gay man.” There, I said it! Can we move on now?

Being gay is not what defines me. I’m also proud of being Australian. I’m proud of my adopted home here in the United States. I’m proud of my family. I’m especially proud of my husband. All of these things – being a world citizen, a family person, and an engaged citizen – are things to be proud of. And each of these contributes to who I am, but not one of these things define me solely.

And being gay is not something that I wear on my sleeve, or at least I try not to. It is not the start of my conversation when meeting new people. I don’t introduce myself as “gay James”, or “Australian James”; simply “I’m James.” Okay, I will admit that sometimes I do introduce myself as “Chris’s husband, James” but that doesn’t happen often (and it normally is to remove the stares one gets when at a client party and they are wondering who the freeloader is).

My mother used to remind me that she did not need just one day to know that her children loved her. She knew that we all loved her 365 days a year. In a similar way, pride month is not about being proud of who you are for just one month; you should be proud of who you are all the time. What pride month does is provide a visual reminder to others that there are gay men and women out there, in the ‘burbs living a simple life with their kids, their pets and their lawn service.

Sadly, even today we sometimes have to hide who we are out of fear, misunderstanding or plain old bigotry. Being an “out gay man” has been who I am for many years, and it took a lot of internal struggles to be comfortable with that, especially after moving to the US. Being proud of who you are does have consequences sometimes, but what is most important – to me – is being true to myself, and others.

As I start my 51st year on Earth, I do reflect on all those that have come before me who have provided the foundation of this society that we live in today. It seems that so much has advanced in recent years, and while it seems it is easier to come out today (compared to 30-50 years ago), it still has its challenges. Technology can create hostile environments behind the shield of anonymity; school yards (and corridors) can still be ugly; churches are still un-Christlike in their attitudes.

Coming out or choosing to disclose one’s sexuality, or highlighting that you are married to a man, is not what most people need to do. Society assumes a lot about you until you change that assumption or belief. Being open about my sexuality, or about the man that I love, is still not considered to be the norm. It’s getting better, but it’s still a challenge from time to time.

It is this reality that members of the LGBTQ+ community face everyday that makes our designated pride month so important. Knowing that many people who live in the city, state or country that you also live in have objected, protested, and attacked individuals because they chose to show the world who they are; some of them even loose their life because of it. Many people are still frightened to tell somebody else that they are gay or lesbian or transgender. So far in 2019 there have been 19 transgender individuals in America murdered, many for the meer fact that they were living their life as the gender in which they were inside. Nineteen!

This is when I become ashamed. I’m ashamed that I do not do enough to prevent more of these travesty’s from happening each year. I’m ashamed that I live in a society where there are many people today who still don’t not believe that I have the right to have a husband, and I don’t challenge them enough. I am ashamed that many of our world leaders and our local leaders here promote homophobia, transphobia, and bigotry towards members of their own society. In many cases members of their own constituency. It’s not okay, and I’m ashamed that sometimes I don’t speak up to tell them and others who support them this is not okay.

So this June, I’m standing up to say I’m proud to be a gay man living in America, I’m proud to have an amazing husband who has changed my life in so many ways, and for the friends and supporters that I have that make living here in the USA all that more palatable, when the easiest solution might be to move somewhere else.

Being gay, does not define me. It’s a part of who I am and I am choosing to show the world that I have the God given and Constitutional right to love the person that I love. I want others who struggle with their love of someone of the same gender to know that it is okay to be who you are, and be proud of the love you have to give the world. Being gay is something to be proud of just like being American, being Australian, being female, being black, being Latino, or being true to the person you are.

Happy pride month to one and all. But don’t expect me to stop being proud on July 1st. Thirty (30) days out of 365 is not the only time that I’m going to be proud of who I am. It is a part of who I am, and you get that 365 days every year and 366 on the occasional fourth year.